1/3 of a Year!

*WARNING* INCREDIBLY LONG POST

Woo hoo! Natalie has reached four months old! You have no idea what this means to me. If you know me, even a little, you know I'm a massive worrywart. I mean, I'm not just a little concerned... I have debilitating "what-ifs" and irrational worries. I was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, and was afraid that anything and everything could potentially hurt Natalie.

Examples:

1) I absolutely refused to sleep on my stomach from the very beginning. Even though that's perfectly acceptable all the way up until you get a belly. And even then, it's not recommended simply because it's uncomfortable.

2) I refused to eat anything with nitrates, potential listeria, artificial sweeteners, most fish... I even called the doctor's office in a tizzy because I forgot myself and ate some, gasp, GROUPER! By the way, they laughed at me.

3) I suffered two horrible colds, many aches and pains, nausea and fatigue all without taking anything. An acceptable list of medications was given to me by my doctor. But no, Leigh had to go and be a pregnancy martyr.

4) I drank decaf.

5) I drank water like a fish.

6) And I never, I mean NEVER, let my heart rate go above 145. Because Dr. Johnstone said so. Do you know how quickly your heart rate goes up when you exercise while pregnant? Yeah. Quick.

I could list hundreds...

Needless to say, after Natalie was born the worrying reached a whole new level of absurdity. Her first few nights home I watched her sleep until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer, usually just toppling over and passing out. Getting maybe 20 minutes of sleep at a time before she was hungry, wet, fussy... I didn't swaddle her because that's a SIDS risk, I didn't let her sleep in the "infant napper" (even though she loved it) because the home health nurse said it had "SIDS written all over it", I dressed her lightly at night (too lightly) because that's what you're supposed to do, right? I took down the bumpers in her crib, again, SIDS risk. I kept her in my room (for way too long) even though we kept each other awake... SIDS. I kept the fan on to circulate the air. I was adamant about breast feeding... not only because I wanted to establish a loving, warm and close relationship, but also because breast fed babies have a lower risk of SIDS. Notice a theme here? I tried giving her a pacifier at night, it reduces the chance of SIDS. I bought a (worthless) Angel Care Monitor, Halo sleep sacks, and anything else out there marketed to reduce the risk of SIDS.

And then I read that infants aged 2-4 months born during cold weather are at the highest risk. Crap. "I'm never sleeping again", I thought. So the onslaught of whole new worries and "what-ifs" began. But here we are, four months old, and we made it! I'm still a little (OK, a lot) neurotic, and still stick to a few of my anti-SIDS methods. I've lightened up a bit, though. She sleeps in her crib (all night, I might add), wearing warm and cozy pajama's. OK, that's not much but it's something, right?

I know the risk is not entirely gone until she's a year, but I can't help but feel like we've achieved something! Hopefully I'll continue to ease up a bit as she gets stronger and stronger.

Here are a few of her 4 month milestones:

-Laughs in response to being tickled, or smiled at, or nothing.
-Rolls over one way... She'll do anything to get off her tummy.
-Can put her paci in her mouth
-Plays with toys and can entertain herself for longer periods of time
-"Talks" all the time
-Is trying her hardest to sit up, and can sit up with support
-Has totally mastered head control

We have also started some cereal. Dr. Manzo encouraged me to start at 4 months, if for no other reason than practice. I was hesitant at first... I originally wanted to nurse exclusively for 6 months. And then I realized she was watching me eat with great interest, would mimic me eating, and seemed to be hungry all the time. Just when I got a break from nursing ALL THE TIME, she began wanting to nurse again every two hours! So the decision was made, we started cereal. She does really well with it. She doesn't push any of it out (another indication she was clearly ready). Unfortunately, I don't think it tastes very good and she loses interest after about 5 or 6 bites. I don't worry (for once), this is merely practice and I'm sure once she's able to have more interesting and tasty foods at about 6 months she'll gobble it up!

My Funny Valentine

Love Love Love my baby!

Ever since the very first moment I met Natalie I knew she was someone I was going to truly love forever. I've felt varying degrees of love in my life... I love my family, Andi, my friends and of course I madly love Chase. But I LOVE Natalie!

Natalie and I have been through a lot together in the short time we've known each other, and we've had a lot of learning to do together. And I do mean "together", I look at Natalie as my teammate, which might sound silly, but it helps to know she's on my side. So far I think we've earned an A+! It hasn't been easy (I have a newly established open line of communication with God), but it's been the best stressed out, sleepless and worried 16 weeks of my life!

For the first 8-12 weeks, Natalie was a bit cranky. She had some colic and some nighttime fussiness. Who am I kidding? She had A LOT of nighttime fussiness. Many hours we spent rocking, swaying, singing, crying (both of us) and not sleeping. Sometimes I think if it weren't for my Mother, Natalie and I would be locked up together in some God awful insane asylum. But instead I'm pretty sure I've driven Mom to the brink of insanity. Only recently have I felt truly independent and capable of raising this tiny, perfect and sweet individual on my own. It hasn't been easy with Chase gone, but we've managed. I have wonderful family.

Anyway, all this to say...

Natalie has recently become so much more of a delightful baby. She smiles in response to her favorite people, she laughs out loud when tickled, she reaches for toys (and plays with them!) and she loves pulling Andi's fur! Poor poor Andi. Now that Natalie is mostly happy when awake, I feel like I can truly get to know the person I love more than anything in the world.

Splish Splash

For about a week now I've been trying to establish a consistent bedtime routine. We have a bath, a massage, story and then lights out! It's working really well, Natalie goes down anywhere from 7:30-8:30 and usually stays asleep until 7 in the morning. Sometimes she has a little trouble falling asleep and sometimes she wakes up to nurse, but not usually. Just recently she's started really enjoying bath time, so I thought I'd share some cute pictures from our bath last night...

15 week video/pictures

The Great Contender

I've decided that Natalie is the amazing morphing baby. Sitting next to me, she looks a lot like me... but Chase might give me a run for my money. Mom found this picture of Chase as a baby as she was unpacking and I can see a lot of Natalie in him. Either way she's so adorable! I wont lie, I enjoy taking most of the credit!

The more I look at this picture of Chase it's hard for me to believe he was ever that cute! Ha! Just kidding, I think Chase is one good looking Dad, and I would be so pleased if Natalie grew up to look like him!

Natalie has begun teething, so we're having some rough nights. I've been spoiled by her so far... I'm not used to being up with her so much at night. She started sleeping long chunks of time at night when she was six weeks old. Last night she was awake and whining from 2-5. Ouch. Looks like we're both going to need some major naps during the day!

Look alikes

Almost everyone that has seen Natalie has an opinion about her resemblance. Some people say she looks like Chase, but they are few. She definitely has his blue eyes, which I'm so grateful for! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she gets his freckles, too. Most people are shocked at how much she looks like me, especially when they see us together. We got an overwhelming response from friends and family after the last set of pictures I emailed... everyone commented that she could practically be my twin. It seems like most of her features are a lot like mine... her nose, her chin, cheeks and especially her heart shaped mouth! I don't mind... I like being compared to the most beautiful baby girl in the world!

I didn't really realize just how much we look alike until Mom showed me a picture of a two week old baby wearing a yellow sleeper. I almost asked Mom "When did Natalie wear that?" and then I realized it was a picture of ME! I've posted some pictures of me from birth to 4 months that Mom sent to me last night. You be the judge. (You can always click on the image to enlarge)

In other news, Natalie had her 2 month shots today. I've been a little frustrated because she's 3 1/2 months old. They ran out of the vaccines some time before Thanksgiving and it has taken this long to get them in. Poor baby, she's going back for more shots in only 1 1/2 months... IF they have them, of course. It was really unpleasant today. She got a shot in each leg and she screamed like we were skinning her alive, I've never seen so many tears come out of her, she left a puddle on the table! I've got the Tylenol handy and lots of hugs waiting for her today... I know how she feels. Maybe she inherited her hatred for needles from me, too! The good news is: she weighs a whopping 14 lbs 11 oz! I feel so grateful that I have been able to nourish and keep her healthy!