Truth #19

I miss work.

I counted down every day leading up to Christmas break, anxiously planning all the rest and relaxation I would get over the holidays. Now I think I've had enough. I'm ready to go back to work.

I'm not sure if it's because work gets me out of the house, surrounds me with my friends or because I'm making money (that's probably it), but I generally enjoy what I do.

I'm ready for the new year at work!

Pony Tail!

Natalie doesn't particularly enjoy me playing with her hair, so I've kind of left it alone. For a while now I've been thinking it would be long enough for a pony tail, but never had the opportunity to try it. The other day I decided come Hell or high water, I was styling her hair into a cute little pony. It wasn't easy. She squirmed and fussed, tugged and pulled. The end result was loose, floppy and off center, but it was a pony tail! It's far too cold for pony/pig tails right now, but at least I know once the weather is warmer Natalie is going to be sporting a new 'do!

Truth #18

I love Bon Jovi.

I saw my first Bon Jovi concert when I was in high school. My boyfriend at the time took me to see them, and I fell instantly in love. I've seen them a few times since and have always had a great time. I was really excited when I learned they're coming to the RBC center in Raleigh and asked Chase if he would buy me good tickets for the show as my Christmas/Valentine's/birthday/anniversary present and, of course, he complied. Well, now we can't go. So I think you all should consider buying my tickets. They're great seats, face value of each ticket is $150 ( I know, expensive. But when it counts as a gift for four different occasions it's not that bad.) which includes all taxes and surcharges. Anyway, WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY THESE TICKETS?!?!?!?!?!

The end.

I'm baaaaack

Now that I've gotten through Nutcracker tech week, the holidays, had Buela taken care of (those of you closest to me know what I'm talking about, those of you that don't know me that well... trust me, you're better off not knowing about Buela) and several power outages, I'm back. Finally. I apologize for the long delay in Natalie updates and "truths", I'm hoping the new year will bring me more motivation.

I was going to upload a few pictures of Natalie from Christmas and the past few days, but Blogger won't let me. I've been trying now for three days. I officially give up.

Truth #17/ Buela

*If you have a weak stomach you might not want to read this post*

I'm a big baby.

Chase had to take me to the ER in the middle of the night on Sunday and I was a complete baby. Here's the story:

I've had a cyst on my sternum for almost a decade now; it has never caused me any trouble or pain. In fact it was so benign that my former dermatologist recommended not doing anything about it and just leaving it until if and when it started to cause trouble. Well, trouble began about a month ago. One day while cuddling with Natalie she picked her head up off my chest and SLAMMED it down right on top of the cyst. It didn't really hurt, I never thought anything of it until a few days later when it started getting bigger. To make a long story short, what used to be a small cyst the size of a pea grew into a red, swollen, extremely painful and angry mass about the size of a silver dollar. So to the doctor I went. He prescribed antibiotics and referred me to a dermatologist. I took the medicine and made my appointment with the dermatologist (which isn't until January 7th, by the way). Over the course of my meds it got better, and all was well until.... Natalie reared back and clocked me in the chest again. And then all Hell broke loose. It grew even bigger and angrier and more painful than ever before. It was such a constant pain that I never had one moment in the day that I wasn't constantly worried about it and counting down the days until January 7th. It got so bad Chase even named it... "Buela Dacyst". Sunday night Buela hurt so badly I couldn't sleep, I laid there perfectly still trying to will away the throbbing pain and eventually at 4 a.m. I woke Chase up and told him we had to have something done about it. (This is where it gets kind of gross.... OK, really gross). We called and woke Mom up and she came over to watch Natalie while Chase took me to my appointment with certain doom. Luckily the ER was completely empty and I saw a doctor right away. I told him about Buela and that I had been on antibiotics and it's still pretty bad. He took one look at Buela and said "We're doing this now".... grrrrreat, that can't be good. The doc told me he was going to numb Buela really well which completely took my worry away, boy was I dumb. That shot was the most painful thing I have ever experienced, I'd rather have a baby. I mean, it was absolutely excruciating. I cried, swore, writhed and moaned. It. was. awful. And it never felt numb, just achey (It was numb, though... I didn't feel the actual lancing). I'll spare you the details of what happened next, just know it wasn't pretty. After the whole life altering even I'm left with an open wound on my chest stuffed with gauze that's hanging out like a worm. It's so disgusting it makes me shudder. I've had anxiety and nausea for the past two days just thinking about it. I am NOT looking forward to being tortured at my appointment today. I'm such a baby. Pray for me.

Truth #16

I could never live outside of the grid. Our internet has been down since Monday, and I thought I was going to go crazy. Sorry for the gap in "truths", but I had no access to blogspot! Stay tuned.

Truth #15

I do not want another baby.

I know I've posted about this before, but it is a truth.

*DISCLAIMER* I fully support and and am completely thrilled for my friends who do want/have more than one child. I in no way think you're crazy or wrong! I only ask the same in return... I have never once told a woman pregnant or trying to be pregnant with a second child that I think she's wrong and then listed my reasons. Sheesh, people.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a squishy widdle baybee and sometimes I do miss having one (and then I snap out of it, shudder, and pray that our method of birth control never fails) ... so I'll just borrow my friend's, and I have plenty of friends getting ready to burst! But honestly, the idea of revisiting the 24/7 morning sickness, sciatica, heartburn, round ligament pain, headaches, fatigue, cramps, swollen feet/face/hands/everything, PUPPs, high blood pressure, tailbone pain and extreme hyper-emotional weirdness makes me cringe. That's not even taking into consideration the labor and all that lovely after baby junk your body goes through.... sore nipples and sore... you get the idea. AND during all that recovery you're not sleeping, you're and emotional wreck, and you have absolutely no clue what you're doing. Oh and if you happen to have a baby like Natalie, you're dealing with a five hour screaming fit starting at precisely 3 p.m. every single day for about four months. Combine all of that with a deployed husband and you've got an equation for an only child.

I know I've mentioned in previous posts that when Natalie was born, Mom moved in with me for two-and-a-half months. OK, that's just not normal. Most women get the hang of it after a few weeks, and grandma goes merrily back to the land of sugar cookies and grandma-ness. Not for poor Beverley, though. I wouldn't let her leave at night... can you imagine how long I'd make her stay if I had two children to deal with? Ha! She would be a permanent resident. Needless to say, she fully supports my decision to bear one child.

I met a woman yesterday who was tall, thin, beautiful and looked energetic and well rested....I also met her 17 month old and her 5 week old. I did sort of envy her, I haven't looked that good since prior to March 2009, I'm still waging war against the remaining 30 lbs of baby pudge I'm carrying around. I'm not one of those women who can glide through pregnancy so seemingly effortlessly. No, if I ever do get pregnant again I'm going to moan the entire time. I've often told my friends that I'd rather be in labor every day for a whole year, than to be pregnant one more day of my life. I'm pretty serious.

Having said all that, I'd do it over and over again for Natalie. Despite my bitter remarks about pregnancy, I was so happy to be carrying a child, and I prayed for her safety everyday. All the while, though, I knew I would never do it again.

I know myself, I know that I'm the best mother I can be to Natalie. And I know that I wouldn't be able to be the best if I had two (or more) children, I know that one or both of them would not get the attention they deserve. I know that about myself, and to be blunt - all the reasons people give me to try and convince me to have another child, in my opinion, stink. So Heather, Sharon, Steph.... we'll stick together to ward off obnoxious only children comments. Corbin, BB and Christopher will be loved and cared for and nurtured just like they would in any family, regardless of size.

Truth #14

The truth of the day: I need to relax. I've been somewhat of a germaphobe where Natalie is concerned, and I get particularly anxious around other children. I know that Natalie can't live in a bubble and playing with other children is necessary and fun for her, but I just can't relax about it. Recently, it has been REALLY. FREAKING. COLD here and I haven't been able to run in two whole weeks. Anyway, I've been juggling taking Natalie to the child care center at the gym ever since she's been old enough to go. Now I think I've made up my mind. We're going tomorrow.

In other news....

Natalie was invited to a birthday party today, happy first birthday, Nathan! When we got to the party we saw something amazing. Something Natalie has never seen before. Something so remarkable and so truly wonderful it deserves special recognition on the blog.

We weren't sure if we were seeing things correctly, or if it was just our imagination. But shortly we began to realize that this remarkable thing was, indeed, real. It was....


Another little girl Natalie's age!


Natalie had a wonderful time at the party, she was into EVERYTHING, as usual. Despite my aforementioned germaphobia, I'm always glad when she has the opportunity to play with other children her age, especially girls!

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Looks like Santa lost one of his Elves! Check out this little mischief maker:

Truth #13

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than seeing Natalie happy. Today was the Southern Pines Christmas Carriage Parade and Natalie got to watch it. It was her very first parade. There were about 15 carriages in all, each decorated with fantastic Christmas ornaments, even some of the horses were wearing santa suits! We let Natalie watch the parade from inside the dance studio so she could stay warm and dry and still be able to see. She danced and wiggled and stomped her little feet. She smiled and waved and "oofed" at them. Watching her have so much fun made me the happiest I've been in a long time!

Truth #12

These are the things I am most proud of in my life:

Natalie, my degree in dance, owning a home, my soldier, my humor, and my mean a** culinary skills.

These are the things I don't like so much:

I'm short tempered, don't multi-task very well, lack workout motivation (it's been 20 something degrees here lately, give me a break), got a BA not a BFA, don't call people back, and have a minor case of road rage

Truth #11

There isn't one day that I don't think about my Uncle Al, I miss him very much.

My Mom is an only child and my Dad has one sibling, Uncle Al. So, he was my only uncle and I was his only niece. Growing up, I thought Uncle Al hung the moon... I mean I LOVED him! Rather than reading stories, I'd ask my Dad to tell me "Uncle Al stories" at bedtime, and I'd hear all about the crazy/funny/wild/stupid things he did as a young man.

Sometimes he would surprise me by picking me up from dance class; Nothing beat leaving the studio only to find my mega cool uncle in his leather jacket leaning up against his equally mega cool sports car. He just oozed coolness.

Now, I think the thing that hurts the most is that Natalie will never meet him.

He died 18 years ago today; It was sudden and incredibly unexpected. It was a day that changed my world as I knew it in so many ways, none of which are good.

Uncle Al, you are missed, you are loved, you live through us all. We'll see you again some day!

Truth #10

One third of the way through this whole "30 Truths" challenge and I'm already running out of truths that aren't embarrassing or secret. I'm starting to understand the value of this exercise, it's really making me dig deep.

Anyway...

Today's truth is:

I think I might want to go back to school. GASP! I doubt it will ever happen, though. If I were to go back I would want an MFA...from Greensboro. Not only do I not have enough time or money, but I'm pretty sure they've locked their doors to me for good. Considering it only took me seven short years (ha!) to earn my undergraduate degree, I'd probably be there for ten if I were to pursue an MFA.

I thought I'd never want to go back to school, so I'm completely shocked by this realization. Lately I've been having dreams, though. I dreamed that I was performing Gerri's "4x4", just like I did four years ago, but in my dream I forgot the dance on stage. I had another dream that I was late to BJ's class and got reamed. Could these dreams about failing in dance mean I'm not finished yet?

Truth #9

I have absolutely no patience for tardiness. I HATE when I make dates with people and they're late, even just a few minutes. Of course, there are a few exceptions... but not many. Here's a good example of how much I despise tardiness: For every minute my dancers are late to class they earn themselves ten pushups. Usually, they're late only once. Smile. I wish there was some way I could implement my punishment on the rest of the world. Maybe I'll just start handing out watches.

Truth #8

I would rather have a few true friends than several acquaintances. I like to play around on facebook (like most everyone), and I've started to pay attention to how many "friends" people have. When did social networking become a popularity contest? Surely the people who have 1000+ friends can't possibly keep in touch with all of them! I'm starting to wonder if some of the random facebook friend requests I'm getting is just an attempt to up "friend" numbers, not a genuine means to staying in touch with me.

Truth #7

I believe in medicine.

I'm hearing over and over again from various people that they don't believe in our doctors or in medicine. They don't take pain relievers and they don't take antibiotics; they don't vaccinate their children and they don't go for check-ups. I believe God gave us a brain, rational thought and the ability to learn for a reason. Thank you, modern medicine for curing my father's cancer, keeping Natalie healthy and pertussis/varicella/MMR free, and for giving me a painless labor/delivery!

Modern medicine, YOU ROCK!

Truth #6

I have only ever peeked at one Christmas present in my entire life. I was in middle school, and Mom had wrapped a present that kept opening on its own. So one day when the tape lifted, instead of fixing it, I used the opportunity to sneak a peek at what was underneath. I learned my lesson, too. It was something that I had asked for, and really really wanted; seeing it before Christmas without the surprise, anticipation and wonder of Christmas morning ruined it for me. It was a perfume called Sun Moon Stars, which smells God awful, by the way. I think I only wanted it because I had seen it advertised in my YM magazine. It was sold at drug stores if that tells you anything. Anyway, I lost all joy for it because I had broken the rules (and probably because I realized it smelled like bottled garbage), it ended up sitting on the bathroom counter as air freshener for years to come.

Natalie goes to the gym!

Sandhills Academy of Gymnastics has a "Fun Gym" every Friday; "Fun Gym" is a day when you can bring your child and let them play on anything they want without being in a class or registering for one. It's free for children under 16 months, so when I heard about it (thank you, Libba) I knew I had to take Natalie. I thought it was something she would really enjoy, and I was right. She played hard for 45 minutes, she was all over the spring floor, foam mats and trampolines. I got a pretty blah video... I didn't feel comfortable just sitting back and letting her roam, so please forgive the quality. Hopefully Chase will be able to join us some Friday and I'll be able to get a better video. The picture is from their website, it's a good indicator of how much fun stuff there is to do there!

Truth #5

I don't really like talking on the phone. I know, shocking. Pretty much the only person I really talk to is Mom... and that's just because I don't have to make an effort to be funny, interesting, knowledgeable or even normal. So thanks for that, Mom! Anyway, I find most phone conversations awkward and confusing... If we're friends and we don't talk often, now you know why. But I still love you.

Truth #4

I don't like cats.

There. I said it. I feel no explanation is necessary... I don't like them and I'm certain the feeling is mutual.

Natalie Goes to Dance Class

Natalie and I ran by the dance studio today to pick up my paycheck (very important), while we were there we stopped by Miss Kristin's class to say hello. Luckily, the girls were just starting a game of "freeze dance" and Natalie decided to join in.


I don't know... I think I might have a dacner!

Truth #3

I can't wait until Christmas Day. I feel like I've got two whole years of Christmas anticipation built up in my system and I can't freaking wait until the 25th! It's going to be a great day, we're going to eat a big breakfast, open presents, listen to Christmas carols, eat a HUGE English dinner, drink wine and be merry!