I have morning sickness again!

No, I'm not pregnant. "How?" You ask, "could you possibly have morning sickness if you're not pregnant?" Simple. It's the time of year when I first found out I was expecting. For some reason I'm being haunted by the very real and very vivid memories of the intense morning sickness I felt just 12 months ago. The weather is similar and I think that's really impacting me. Recently I found a box of "Pregnancy Tea" that I drank like crazy when I wasn't well, and I instantly gagged. Suddenly I remembered how much I loathe the taste of saltines, and preggo pops, and lemon drops, and cheese toast, and ginger, and all the other various comfort foods that were my staples for the longest 16 weeks of my life last spring. I hope this memory goes away soon, otherwise I'm going to have to break out the ginger capsules all over again. Gag. Enjoy the picture of me on my (very nauseated) 26th birthday! I still can't even THINK about the restaurant we ate at that night. I am forever traumatized and for the life of me can't understand why so many women put themselves through this more than once. Unless you're Michelle Duggar or my friend Cyndy... who both seem to handle pregnancy like champs. Poor poor Cyndy. We were pregnant at the same time last year, and my nausea was so crippling she had to teach most of our classes at the studio while I laid in the fetal position at the front of the classroom. Thanks Cyndy!

Before and After

Last post today, promise.

In the past few months we've been a little busy. Go figure. Poor little Andi's hygiene has been ignored. Usually she goes to the groomer every 4-6 weeks, but it's been almost three months. It had gotten so bad you could literally smell Andi enter the room before you saw her. To quote Chase, "Andi smells like a bag of butt holes". Eloquent, that man of mine. While I have absolutely no idea what a "bag of butt holes" smells like (Chase, why do you?) I do know what rotten garbage smells like... my dog. So yesterday Mom scooped her up and took her to the groomer. Hallelujah.

1/3 of a Year!

*WARNING* INCREDIBLY LONG POST

Woo hoo! Natalie has reached four months old! You have no idea what this means to me. If you know me, even a little, you know I'm a massive worrywart. I mean, I'm not just a little concerned... I have debilitating "what-ifs" and irrational worries. I was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, and was afraid that anything and everything could potentially hurt Natalie.

Examples:

1) I absolutely refused to sleep on my stomach from the very beginning. Even though that's perfectly acceptable all the way up until you get a belly. And even then, it's not recommended simply because it's uncomfortable.

2) I refused to eat anything with nitrates, potential listeria, artificial sweeteners, most fish... I even called the doctor's office in a tizzy because I forgot myself and ate some, gasp, GROUPER! By the way, they laughed at me.

3) I suffered two horrible colds, many aches and pains, nausea and fatigue all without taking anything. An acceptable list of medications was given to me by my doctor. But no, Leigh had to go and be a pregnancy martyr.

4) I drank decaf.

5) I drank water like a fish.

6) And I never, I mean NEVER, let my heart rate go above 145. Because Dr. Johnstone said so. Do you know how quickly your heart rate goes up when you exercise while pregnant? Yeah. Quick.

I could list hundreds...

Needless to say, after Natalie was born the worrying reached a whole new level of absurdity. Her first few nights home I watched her sleep until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer, usually just toppling over and passing out. Getting maybe 20 minutes of sleep at a time before she was hungry, wet, fussy... I didn't swaddle her because that's a SIDS risk, I didn't let her sleep in the "infant napper" (even though she loved it) because the home health nurse said it had "SIDS written all over it", I dressed her lightly at night (too lightly) because that's what you're supposed to do, right? I took down the bumpers in her crib, again, SIDS risk. I kept her in my room (for way too long) even though we kept each other awake... SIDS. I kept the fan on to circulate the air. I was adamant about breast feeding... not only because I wanted to establish a loving, warm and close relationship, but also because breast fed babies have a lower risk of SIDS. Notice a theme here? I tried giving her a pacifier at night, it reduces the chance of SIDS. I bought a (worthless) Angel Care Monitor, Halo sleep sacks, and anything else out there marketed to reduce the risk of SIDS.

And then I read that infants aged 2-4 months born during cold weather are at the highest risk. Crap. "I'm never sleeping again", I thought. So the onslaught of whole new worries and "what-ifs" began. But here we are, four months old, and we made it! I'm still a little (OK, a lot) neurotic, and still stick to a few of my anti-SIDS methods. I've lightened up a bit, though. She sleeps in her crib (all night, I might add), wearing warm and cozy pajama's. OK, that's not much but it's something, right?

I know the risk is not entirely gone until she's a year, but I can't help but feel like we've achieved something! Hopefully I'll continue to ease up a bit as she gets stronger and stronger.

Here are a few of her 4 month milestones:

-Laughs in response to being tickled, or smiled at, or nothing.
-Rolls over one way... She'll do anything to get off her tummy.
-Can put her paci in her mouth
-Plays with toys and can entertain herself for longer periods of time
-"Talks" all the time
-Is trying her hardest to sit up, and can sit up with support
-Has totally mastered head control

We have also started some cereal. Dr. Manzo encouraged me to start at 4 months, if for no other reason than practice. I was hesitant at first... I originally wanted to nurse exclusively for 6 months. And then I realized she was watching me eat with great interest, would mimic me eating, and seemed to be hungry all the time. Just when I got a break from nursing ALL THE TIME, she began wanting to nurse again every two hours! So the decision was made, we started cereal. She does really well with it. She doesn't push any of it out (another indication she was clearly ready). Unfortunately, I don't think it tastes very good and she loses interest after about 5 or 6 bites. I don't worry (for once), this is merely practice and I'm sure once she's able to have more interesting and tasty foods at about 6 months she'll gobble it up!

My Funny Valentine

Love Love Love my baby!

Ever since the very first moment I met Natalie I knew she was someone I was going to truly love forever. I've felt varying degrees of love in my life... I love my family, Andi, my friends and of course I madly love Chase. But I LOVE Natalie!

Natalie and I have been through a lot together in the short time we've known each other, and we've had a lot of learning to do together. And I do mean "together", I look at Natalie as my teammate, which might sound silly, but it helps to know she's on my side. So far I think we've earned an A+! It hasn't been easy (I have a newly established open line of communication with God), but it's been the best stressed out, sleepless and worried 16 weeks of my life!

For the first 8-12 weeks, Natalie was a bit cranky. She had some colic and some nighttime fussiness. Who am I kidding? She had A LOT of nighttime fussiness. Many hours we spent rocking, swaying, singing, crying (both of us) and not sleeping. Sometimes I think if it weren't for my Mother, Natalie and I would be locked up together in some God awful insane asylum. But instead I'm pretty sure I've driven Mom to the brink of insanity. Only recently have I felt truly independent and capable of raising this tiny, perfect and sweet individual on my own. It hasn't been easy with Chase gone, but we've managed. I have wonderful family.

Anyway, all this to say...

Natalie has recently become so much more of a delightful baby. She smiles in response to her favorite people, she laughs out loud when tickled, she reaches for toys (and plays with them!) and she loves pulling Andi's fur! Poor poor Andi. Now that Natalie is mostly happy when awake, I feel like I can truly get to know the person I love more than anything in the world.

Splish Splash

For about a week now I've been trying to establish a consistent bedtime routine. We have a bath, a massage, story and then lights out! It's working really well, Natalie goes down anywhere from 7:30-8:30 and usually stays asleep until 7 in the morning. Sometimes she has a little trouble falling asleep and sometimes she wakes up to nurse, but not usually. Just recently she's started really enjoying bath time, so I thought I'd share some cute pictures from our bath last night...

15 week video/pictures