Two

Do you remember your favorite childhood treat? My Mother used to make me this heavenly sweet treat that I would just devour. It was basically homemade Fun-Dip but so much better. Who knew that mixing a packet of Kool Aid and some sugar together would create such intensely happy childhood memories? Anyway, one day I had a friend over and Mom made that treat for us. I don't remember who the friend was but whoever they were didn't want their sugary treat (idiot). I was over the moon, this meant I got TWO! I grabbed both bowls and began to plan how to savor them. I could not get over having TWO! Mom rarely made this treat for me and when she did I only was ever allowed one. Well, unfortunately Mom got wise to my plan and informed me that I was not allowed to have two of them. Drat.

OK, hold that thought....

All my life I wanted two children. Growing up I said I wanted a boy and a girl. I had a specific birth order, too. I wanted my girl to be born first, I knew I was going to name my first born after my Uncle Al and since I was his niece I thought it would be best to name a daughter after him. I wanted my boy second, just 'cause. This was still my plan when I was pregnant with Natalie... even though my pregnancy was less than glamorous I was still open to having that boy I had planned on. After Natalie was born I fell so madly in love with her that I couldn't imagine ever in a million years loving another individual as much as I love/d her. People told me "your heart grows another chamber", "you'll be sorry", "you HAVE to have another one" "Natalie NEEDS a sibling". Every one of these comments irritated me to no end. I just didn't feel capable of sharing and dividing my love and never wanted Natalie or number two to suffer for my inability to compensate. When I got pregnant with Nick we were of course surprised but also grateful, I knew that God was one of those people telling me "you have to have another one" and I decided that He knew best and accepted, loved and yearned for Nick. I cherished every moment with Natalie and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, knowing our special time together was coming to an end. I felt sad for her, not knowing what it would be like to bring another child into our hearts and home and I cried a little just thinking about how her little world was about to be turned upside down.

Then Nick was born. And now I have TWO of them. I realize now that it's not a matter of sharing or dividing my love, it's not even that my heart grew a whole new chamber or that I love them any differently... I am rich. I get the opportunity to love Natalie as intensely as I always have AND love another individual with that very same fire. Having two babies brings back that nostalgic childhood memory of having two homemade Fun-Dips. Thinking back to having only one child makes me feel vaguely similar to when Mom confiscated my second treat... but I know the excitement of having Natalie and Nick will never be taken away and will never ever fade.