A week or two ago a friend of mine sent me a distressed text message, she was upset because she felt judged and criticized by another friend/mother for no longer being able to continue to nurse her son. Having been a new mother once myself, I felt her pain. I knew all too well that we live in a society that regularly engages in "mompetitions" and that all too often we secretly condemn our friends for parenting choices they've made. I've been guilty of it, too. I've caught myself thinking things like "did she even TRY to nurse?" or "I wonder if they've considered a behavioral specialist?" Recently, though, I've realized just how harmful those private thoughts can be and I've made a concerted effort to let others parent their children in a way they feel is best without any silent condemnation from me. But just KNOWING other mothers are sizing you up is a scary thought and it needs to stop, there are too many obstacles in parenting for us to tackle alone, maybe those "poor" decisions other people made were the best options for their families or perhaps that mother with the crazy kid has already seen a behavioral specialist and is doing all she can. I think it's safe to say mothers, at least the ones I'm around, want what's best for their precious children and do their level best to deliver. I guarantee no one out there can parent Natalie and Nick better than I, so if you don't like my decisions, I'd like to see you do it better.
Here are my confessions:
1) I can't get my kids to sit at the table for meals. It's a struggle that usually ends in some sort of head injury and no food ingested. So they eat in the living room. In front of the TV.
2) My kids watch TV. Nick Jr and Disney Jr are my best friends.
3) They drink diluted juice.
4) I use disposable diapers and wipes
5) I only nursed each one for a year, which by today's standards is practically criminal.
6) Epidurals are amazing.
7) I gave them both pacis.
8) Get ready, mompetition competitors...
I give my children Happy Meals!!!! And I'm not lazy, uneducated, or negligent, like so many recent Facebook statuses would suggest.
9) I have no intent or desire to homeschool.
10) I don't make my own laundry detergent/soap/windex. And I don't clean with vinegar and baking soda. We're all about the chemicals here!
11) If it's organic, it's too expensive.
12) At some point, I let both my babies cry.
13) I don't take them to the park daily.
14) Most days Nick doesn't even get out of his pj's.
15) I don't cook for them. They don't eat it. I'd rather they eat Tyson nuggets and canned corn than stare at a plate of freshly prepared dinner then go to bed hungry.
16) They get sweets.
17) Nick will not nap, so I gave up.
18) 5 second rule does not apply in this house, more like the 12 hour rule.
19) Most day I remember to brush their teeth in the morning. Most.
20) I didn't make my own baby food. Well, I take back. I did, some. But it was yucky and neither child liked it. Nick didn't even get much baby food. I just sort of masked up what we were eating!
So there you have it. I'm sure there are many more horrible, judge worthy mistakes I make with my kids, but you know what? I don't care. I'm doing the best job I can and I think I'm pretty successful. My kids are healthy, happy, safe, and loved.
I wrote all of this while Nick used a bottle of ibuprofen as a rattle, and least he was entertained ;)
Great post. You're totally right that we all have to be so careful to not be judging others just because of our own choices! It's quite the chore that comes along with becoming a mother. We all go about it with the personality we've been given and then make choices taking that and lots of other things into consideration. For example - we chose to cloth diaper because it's cheaper in the long run and we're poor poor. Ha! We'll probably homeschool because we can't afford the alternative and I'm just not ok with public right now (There are other reasons too of course, but just making the point that everyone has their own set of them for everything!) And now, with the way our debt is so crippling, I might just have to stick them in public school so I can work! I was so sad to not be able to keep nursing Adelaide.... after trying everything possible. Yup - that mom giving her baby formula might have adopted that baby, be struggling with some severe physical problem, or wretchedly high metabolism like me. We never know! Wish I could've made it to a year! Both my kids ended up rejecting their pacis early, on their own,- heck - when they help - hallelujah!! I tried the vinegar cleaner thing around here one time years ago. I don't care what people say. My house stank like vinegar. And lastly - but not least - I NEVER remember to brush my kids' teeth. Like ever. It's horrid.
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